Do you have a homesick kid? It’s inevitable that at some point after a big move your kids are going to be homesick. The tourist phase will wear off by the third month, if not sooner, and the reality that they are not moving back sinks in. Although you are likely experiencing similar pangs of homesickness, it’s far more painful watching your kids go through periods of sadness. Your reliable Disney band-aid won’t solve your kids’ homesickness, but sleeping with them every night won’t either. Here are 8 homesickness tips to support your child after a big move.
Homesickness Tips For Kids After Moving
Any move, big or small, including a move abroad, can be really tough on a kid. Here are parenting tips to help you and your kids tackle being homesick.
1 – Recognize and acknowledge their feelings
As an adult, it’s easy to convince ourselves to stop pouting and boohoo-ing over change when that change brings positive opportunities. For kids though, they are too young to understand that and certainly too young for parents to expect that from them.
It’s important to not ignore or disregard a child’s feelings when they become homesick because frankly, you are all they have as they indoctrinate themselves in an entirely new environment.
Recognize their sadness and acknowledge that it’s ok. After all, they accomplished something that many people never do in their lifetime – move to a new place.
2 – Relate but focus on the positive
It’s more than likely that you or your partner that moved the family are feeling homesick, too. Homesickness is a natural part of the moving process. Share with your child that you understand how he feels, but try to not emphasize or wallow in it. Going to your child’s level of homesickness and staying there with him will make matters worse.
Instead, relate to your child but focus on the positive.
Give examples of how moving has benefited you or the family. Spotlight the happy moments and experiences from moving, and even something for your child to look forward to vs back. This will help open their eyes to new things.
3 – Try new things
Make sure your kids are getting out of the house and trying things they’ve never before experienced. Perhaps it’s as simple as going on a picnic, trying a new sport, or taking the train for the first time.
No matter how big or small, make a point of discussing how fun it was to try something new and that it was possible because of the new place they call home.
Point out differences to accentuate the positive as a result of the move.
Eventually, a child that has moved will deduce on their own what is different and what they like more or less about their new life surroundings. Before you know it they will be sharing more of what they like about living in their new place than what they miss back home.
4 – Give in to short-term wins
Do things together as a family that will guarantee a “fix” even if it’s short-term.
Short term wins are precious when your kids aren’t themselves and you honestly aren’t quite sure what else to do. Do things with your child that are familiar and guaranteed to bring happiness, no matter where they are.
Perhaps it’s going out for ice cream, catching a movie with popcorn, or letting them off chores for a day or two. Regardless, sometimes you just need to let off the gas and focus on whatever it takes to stop the tears or frowning faces.
For my family, our short-term fix is making homemade banana bread. It’s familiar and fun, and there are no expectations of them beyond trying their own concoction.
5 – Keep up with routine & traditions
Moving can create this weird paralysis that makes you think that because you uprooted your family and so much has changed, that everything to include what you eat, daily routines, etc has to as well. But the reality is, it doesn’t have to, especially when it comes to traditions.
Sure, everything is, in fact, foreign and overwhelming at first. You don’t know where to go grocery shopping, how to get to your kid’s cricket game, what uniform parts your kids need on which day, I mean the list goes on and on. It takes a while to register the differences and because of that, your kids’ former routine no longer works.
The sooner you establish a routine that works and a grocery store to ensure Taco Tuesday is back on the schedule, the happier your kids will be. Routines, including food traditions, weekend traditions, birthdays, or whatever special tradition your family has all matter, particularly for children.
6 – Stay in touch
Rely on old-fashioned letters, WhatsApp, or Facebook Messenger for your kids to connect with their friends and family back home. It might be that they simply need to be reminded that they haven’t been forgotten and they will see them again.
Technology makes staying in touch easy, but letters are the best kind. Be careful to not dwell on it, push, or schedule it when the kids are flying on their own. Reminding them of a situation you can’t return them to may only revert them back to the homesickness you’ve worked really hard on removing.
For example, my son’s best friend is in Texas. He wrote him a letter and not long after received one back. When I was vacuuming his room, I found the letter from his friend in his window with toys around it, as though it was a shrine. It remained that way for 4 months ago, but my son hasn’t been sad ever since.
Bottom line: stay in touch but don’t overdo it.
7 – Schedule a playdate
It simply might be that your child needs playtime out of school. This does require you to reach out to other school parents or your neighbors to meet people so that you can establish playdates for your child.
If you moved from a populated neighborhood with lots of children to play with to a very quiet elderly one, you will have to play an active part in helping your child make friends.
You can help by meeting people to help your kid overcome homesickness after a big move.
8 – Give them time to process the change
Don’t have unrealistic expectations that your kids are going to be happy overnight and that just because you think the experience is amazing, that they have to, too. It takes time to feel settled. They are children and simply want to play with their friends and family.
When their friends are gone, it’s up to you to fill the gap 100% until they have an established routine and new friends. So make the time to help them overcome their homesickness, even if banana bread isn’t your thing.
For me, football is what my son wants to play most. And it’s tough because it’s the last thing I want to do. If it’s dolls or Strawberry Shortcake, I’m on it! Or arts and crafts, a sewing project, a board game, cool. But I struggle with doing all the boy stuff, especially when his dad is traveling.
But when I do lace-up to play football with him, it’s the best medicine for him. He forgets what was making him sad, and he returns to his playful self.
So get out. Get a little sweaty. And do the thing to help your child overcome feeling homesick.
Final thoughts on how to help a homesick kid.
The truth is, your kids’ homesickness will come and go as they are reminded of home, miss a big holiday, or see pictures of friends. But you can help your kid overcome homesickness after a big move by simply acknowledging them, relating, staying positive, trying new things, and sticking to old ones, too.
Give in a little here and there, and embrace them when they simply need a hug. Just don’t expect more from them than they can offer at their age. Be there for them when they need it. This will pass in time and before you and they know it, they won’t want to leave.
Homesickness will truly be a thing of the past…until the next big move. 📦
Looking for more expat kid resources? Try these.
- Third Culture Kids: 9 Tips To Help A Child Settle Abroad
- 3 Simple Ways To Help Your Kids Stay Grounded
- Moving abroad? Get my complete MOVING ABROAD CHECKLIST
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2 comments
Very well written, thank you! Homesickness is natural after a move, so the first step is – just accept it.
Thank you! Yes, I completely agree. Acknowledging it is such a big step in the process. x