English Home Demystified: 5 British House Chores You Can’t Ignore

If you thought your American house cleaning list was going to work for your British home,  you’ve likely figured out by now that it doesn’t.  Bleach and Mr. Clean that used to solve most of your household problems, don’t work on these British ones.  Even google doesn’t seem to understand any of the bizarre phrases to help out.  So, if brown stains, creepy crawlies, and white floaties are still household mysteries you haven’t solved, here are 5 British house chores that do.

It all started with the brown stains in the toilet.  Despite my effort using every bleach product on the shelves, the mystery brown stain continued to grow – in all the toilets.  Surely, it couldn’t be 💩.  Right?  After all, I was really putting my elbow into it and even wore the rubber gloves.  I wasn’t afraid to do whatever I had to do to make it go away, but it wouldn’t budge.

At the same time, the white porcelain kitchen sink that I recall sparkled upon move in evolved to a shade of orangey brown.  Again, I cleaned and scrubbed, but nothing changed.  I couldn’t seem to make a difference and continued to scratch my head. 

Then the shower stopped working.  Well, it worked but water came out like a thick trickle, splashing awkwardly vs. the lovely rain shower it used to be.  There were other issues going on with the plumbing as well, so I simply had no idea that all of it would be related.

When I noticed the white overgrowth developing in the kettle and floaties in my tea, I was horrified.  No wonder why the maintenance guy never finished his tea, which I believe by English standards is a total crime.  It had white floaties!

Frustrated and slightly embarrassed, I had enough.  My cleaning OCD was in overdrive but I was failing miserably. Even though I think I’m quite good at taking care of a home, a British one was kicking my butt.  I threw in the towel and realized I was going to have to ask for help.  I sucked in my pride and very embarrassingly asked my British neighbor what was going on.  The answer?

Limescale

In all my moves and different climates, descaling was never a house chore.  In fact, I had never even heard of limescale and descaling.  But apparently, it’s a common problem in the UK.  Who knew?  I felt a little less ridiculous when the neighbor didn’t hesitate to blurt “limescale”, as though she were cursing at me. 

Dealing with limescale is annoying but once you know what to do, it’s manageable and easy to remove.  Just look for descaling limescale products for everything: toilets, sinks, appliances (small and large). 

And remember to remove the shower head once a month or so to give it a good clean so you don’t make the same rookie mistake I did.  I was super embarrassed when the plumber asked me if I had ever cleaned the shower head.  I didn’t know!!!  That isn’t a regular American house chore.

Though removing limescale isn’t a chore you can assign your children, this next one is.  I even have an official title for it.

Spider Catcher

Yup.  Catching or killing (my preference) spiders are, in fact, a British house chore.  I’m not talking just a few spiders here and there.  These suckers build up.  On last week’s cleaning day alone my son caught 42 spiders. 🕷

42 spiders!!! 

That’s 42 more than I want in my house.  EVER.  And I’ve killed at least 12 or more since then, which was only a few days ago. 

I’d like to tell you that they are only daddy long legs but the one found in my daughter’s room was of the dark, hairy and thick kind. 

My son says they are harmless house spiders, but I simply don’t care.  I don’t want them in my house!  Even our lake house in Maine that’s surrounded by pine trees and been locked up for over 6 months only had 1, according to my mom anyway.

So, if taking care of a British home is in your present or near future, “Spider Catcher” is the perfect chore for your wilderness child.  Or, hire an exterminator, which is on my list of things to do for the week. 🙂

I’d like to say spiders are the only living, breathing British chore to add to your list, but unfortunately, there is another one. 

Climbing Vines

If you have house guests, then you can relate to the house cleaning that leads up to the visit.  Guest rooms typically get a quick dust, vacuum, and clean sheets prior to their arrival.  I don’t abandon the guest room entirely when no one is visiting, but it certainly doesn’t receive my typical weekly deep clean.  However, this room had a lot of recent traffic, so I was shocked when I discovered what moved in: vines.

I thought to myself, “Isn’t there a movie about this?  It’s my own little shop of horrors.”

The vine had found its way through the window and actually started wrapping itself around the curtain.  Growth really made its way in.  I couldn’t believe my eyes.  Clearly, cleaning a British home is far more tricky than an American one.  That afternoon was spent cutting vines with clippers, followed by vacuuming.  Oh, and the vines outside need grooming as well to avoid the regrowth.  Another unexpected British house chore to add to the list.

Unblocking the Drain

If clogging the toilet was ever a concern, living in a 150+-year-old home will give you a run for your money.  When I saw our downstairs toilet for the first time, I didn’t even know what to do with it.  It has the Victorian pull chain system, which I had never seen.  You really need to google it.  Intimidated and concerned, I make my kids flush…a lot….which does seem to help. 🚽

Needless to say, if the toilets are old, the overall plumbing probably is too.  Hence, why I wasn’t surprised when I was standing in about 2 inches of water in the shower after only a couple of weeks time.  And then after that, the washing machine started overflowing and draining to the street. 

The first issue is easy to solve, but not a typical American chore after every shower.  Simply put, clean the drain every time you use it.  Remove the crap (yes, it’s gross but it has to be done) from the insert beneath the drain spout which pops off.  And if you don’t realize this till you’re standing in 2 inches of water or more, buy drain unblocker from the grocery store and let it sit overnight.  That will do the trick.

As for the washing machine, find the drain outside and get the hubs to clean it out at least once a year.  It’s not glorious, but necessary to avoid further issues and a fine!

Alas, the final British house chore.

Dusting

I hated it as a child and hate it even more as an adult living in the UK.  The best thing about dusting is that it is a chore you can assign your kids.  And lucky for them, it’s the gift that keeps giving!  Because with super old British homes you get loads and loads of dust.  Within an hour or 2 of dusting, you’ll have to do it all over again! 😂  And that’s what makes it so different than America. 

Dusting never ends and will be in places unimaginable.  You just have to get used to it and dust on.  Or as I said, assign it to your kids. :). In fact, the Spider Catcher and Duster go hand-in-hand and work really well as summer chores for kids.

Mysteries Solved

So, there you have it.  5 British house chores to deal with 5 pesky problems you can’t ignore.  Some living, some dead, some you can handle yourself, some you can assign to your kids, or some that you can simply outsource. No matter how you choose to handle, at least now you know what to do to avoid your own little shop of horrors so that you can truly enjoy the place you call home. 🏡